“Religious indoctrination of children
is child abuse.” Read this gem on, where else, a Facebook page
yesterday. The discussion had something to do with circumcision.
(Save it for another day, folks. One dogma-spewing topic at a time,
K?)
Well, by golly, that offends me. Also,
it's stupid. It's almost too
stupid a claim to bother writing about, but what the heck, I feel
like addressing it.
Personal
opinion here, as one guilty of indoctrination or abuse or
brainwashing or whatever synonym you prefer: It is far more damaging
to raise your children with zero exposure to the spiritual than it is
to raise them with a belief in a higher power. No, I will not tell my
children they are nothing more than their brains and the rest of
their bodies, and that this whole existence is a crap shoot. Oh, but,
uh, be nice, because I guess that still kind of matters, at least
until you die. Then, you know, whatever.
Pardon
the sarcasm. I fully realize, and in fact greatly appreciate, that
there are atheists and agnostics with a much higher view of humanity
than the one described above. I count many of them among my friends.
They are thoughtful individuals and not really the type for
commenting with wild accusations on message boards, though. (Or if
they are, I am unaware of it.)
I
firmly believe, having been a child and known one or two others along
the way, that children have a thriving sense of the spiritual. I also
believe that as parents we have a responsibility to honor that
spirituality and to respond to it, allowing them to develop it
further. If I am helping my child become a thinking, caring,
responsible adult in every other aspect, then ignoring their
spirituality is tantamount to sending them out in the snow without
pants: It's incomplete parenting.
I
know enough children to believe they're innately spiritual. Soulful,
if you prefer. I know enough adults to believe even more firmly that
there is a right and a wrong way to teach your kids about religion.
If you train up your children in a narrow way that dictates exactly
what they must believe, and threaten to alienate them if they deviate
from it - and then follow through when they do! - then yes, I could
easily be convinced that such behavior is really bad parenting.
Actually I would just say you are an asshole. I might even
say that presenting religion in an overly dogmatic fashion deprives
your child of the opportunity to develop their own personal
relationship with God and therefore equates to spiritual abuse. I
might.
I
grew up in a deeply religious household. It was strict. With six kids
and Bible study in the mornings, we probably qualified for our own
reality show. However, what I love about my upbringing is that no
questions were forbidden. Doubting God? Okay, we can talk about it.
Thinking about voting Democrat? Less tolerated, but they gritted
their teeth and got through those conversations too. In politics, in
religion, and in everything else, I knew that my parents
would always love me no matter what I chose to believe.
Jake and I are raising our kids essentially the same way, and with
the same emphasis (albeit less political): We will love our kids no
matter what, and we tell them so. More importantly, God
will love them no matter what. Our love is not contingent upon what
they believe, whom they love, or what they do, and neither is God's.
If it's abusive to raise our children in such a manner, with an
understanding that the love of the creator of the universe is
absolute and unconditional, then we're guilty. Imagine their
suffering.
This
morning Laney asked me, “How old is the world?” We had a long
talk, and I presented my position the way I present most of the big
questions: Some people believe it's young. Other people believe it's
old. There is evidence for both positions, and personally, I find the
evidence supporting the idea that it's old to be more compelling.
That's what I believe. We can talk about it and research it as much
as you want.
An
hour later, Liam wanted to know if we would die when the world ends.
We talked about the fact that our bodies will stop working, but our
souls will live on, and go to be with Jesus if we love him and
believe in him. Yep, that's some shameless hardcore indoctrination
right there. I'm teaching it to my child not because I can prove it,
but because I believe it and recognize that the best evidence, which
I have critically evaluated, points in this direction. Could I be
wrong? Quite possibly. Will he have to decide what he believes for
himself as he grows? Absolutely, and I will encourage him to do so.
In the meantime, I refuse to leave him floundering with nothing more
than an “I don't know” or even a “here's what I think”
because I can't tell him something that can be proven. Okay for the
age of the world. Less okay for what happens at the moment of death.
Some kid questions warrant a concrete answer, even if the details are
fuzzy.
It's
possible that the individual quoted above, and others who share his
mindset, take the position that each one of us can believe what we
want, but should let our kids decide for themselves. Or, to use the
usual terminology, we shouldn't take our beliefs and shove them down
our kids' throats. To which I respond, if your faith isn't worthy of
sharing with those you hold dear, it must be a pretty flimsy faith. I
teach my kids about faith the way I teach them about gravity: It's
all theory. There's really strong supporting evidence. Therefore, I
will present this idea to you as truth. Explore it all you want, and
please, I pray, reach a conclusion that is personal and truthful to
you. God gave you a brain, now use it to its fullest.
You
still prefer the alternative, oh omniscient Facebook commenter? Okay,
go ahead. Teach your kids only that which you can prove. Have fun
talking about, um . . . uh . . . Oh. Right.
I was raised with no religion. The only times I attended church, as a child, was for weddings and funerals. My knowledge about God and religion was based on what I learned in school which amounted to almost nothing. School taught me about evolution, and the big bang. So that's what I believed in. Strangely enough I didn't even begin to doubt my beliefs until I became a parent.
ReplyDeleteFor the past ten years I have been searching for a belief that feels right to me. I'm not sure as if I'll ever find one. However, I'm not so certain that it cripples me either. I never made choices in my life because it's what Jesus would have done, or because I was fearful of judgment day. I have made choices in my life based on what felt right, morally. I listen to my conscience and treat others with respect. I try to always think about the feelings of others and teach my children to do the same. I try every day to be a good person, for me, and for my family. I learned all of these things without religion and was in no way "damaged" by it.
In the end, when you put two good people next to each other...does it really matter which one was raised with their religion and which one had to search for it?
I tend to agree with you in many ways, and I think there are several angles to take here. I never want to suggest children are "damaged" if they don't have early religious education - but I will continue to bristle at anyone who tells me I'm damaging my children giving them one.
Delete